


I Can't Do This Anymore

by uniquecellest



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: And they're around their late twenties now, Angst, Boys In Love, Friends With Benefits, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I forgot the name of Indonesian fried rice, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious, They've been fwb since freshman year in college, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-01 23:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13305915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uniquecellest/pseuds/uniquecellest
Summary: Alec and Magnus have been friends since childhood. In college they became friends with benefits----unless the other was in a relationship with someone else, of course. Most of those relationships didn't last long for either of them. Soon, Alec realizes his feelings and calls it off with Magnus, unaware of Magnus' feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

Alec enters Magnus' apartment tense. Which he normally wouldn't. He's known Magnus since they were kids, they even went to the same college together. 

College.

Back in college, around freshman year, they started a friends with benefits relationship. They did it through a good majority of their college years, stopping it when one of them got into a relationship with someone else so there was no risk of one of them being jealous or their significant other at the time wouldn't get suspicious. Hell, they even did it via Skype when Magnus went to Paris for a semester and the following when Alec went to Greece.

But it was fine. They never crossed the line into long gazes, meaningful touches, calling each other nick names (actually, Alec hasn't crossed that line. Magnus has a habit of calling people Honey, Dear, Darling, Love, etc).

But that was until Izzy found out. When she found out she had Alec tell her everything. After he finished, Izzy told him what he and Magnus is stupid. That if they have feelings for each other, admit and be happy. That most people in their position usually ends up very angry with each other (rarely) or ends up in a relationship (commonly).

Alec had laughed, then. He and Magnus? In a committed and loving relationship? The two are so polar opposite that if they were a couple it couldn't possibly work out. Besides, why ruin years of friendship by ending it in a relationship that didn't even work?

That was five years ago. And Izzy has let them be, not pressuring either of them or trying to play matchmaker. 

Especially since Alec told her that he didn't like Magnus romantically all those years ago.

But with that conversation with Izzy hitting his head recently, Alec had cancelled movie and dinner night at Magnus' last week so he could figure out how he felt about Magnus so they could have a nice evening. 

Now, Alec knows that he likes Magnus as more than a friend. Hell, he plans on telling Magnus tonight, but he doesn't know how or when. Will they have dinner and a movie and a nice evening like friends? Will they have sex after? Before? If they do have sex, should Alec tell him afterwards? As he gets dressed and plans to leave?

Or should he not just tell him at all? If he does tell Magnus, Alec knows that he's going to ruin their life long friendship. 

Maybe he shouldn't say anything. That way he can keep Magnus in his life, even if it's not in the way he wants. But he has sat back plenty of times as Magnus has had plenty of relationships with others (Imasu, Richard, Etta (Alec actually liked her, they even talk every now and again)) and he can try to move on, maybe find someone who reciprocates his feelings so he doesn't keep pining after Magnus.

"Darling, is everything all right? Alexander?" 

Alec snaps out of his thoughts and realizes that he stopped at the island in Magnus' kitchen, staring at Magnus. 

"Yeah, fine. Just lost in thought."

"I can see that, care to share these thoughts?"

"Maybe later."

"Of course. Alexander, you know that if anything is bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?"

"Of course I do, Magnus." 

"Well, go sit down. The movie tonight is the latest Fast and Furious movie."

Alec rolls his eyes. "You would let The Rock fuck you if you could."

"How do you know I wouldn't be the one doing the fucking?"

"Because you're the one who takes my dick the most when we have sex."

"Whatever."

"What did you make?"

"Indonesian fried rice."

Ah, Alec actually likes it, though he sometimes forgets the name from time to time.

After Magnus hands him his bowl of food, they go to the living room and watch the movie. Throught the entire movie playing, Alec has pretty much avoided Magnus. Usually they sit on the couch together, one of them always extending their body to cover the couch as the other lays on top of them.

But tonight, Alec is in a chair. He pictures Magnus with his ex's and with other people his mind makes up. Man, woman, with any size, shape, etc. And Alec doesn't think he can deal being Magnus' friend as Magnus gets intimate with someone else. 

Alec looks at Magnus, he looks so engrossed in the movie, that he's pretty sure that Magnus won't even notice if he leaves. Getting up, Alec goes to the coat rack and grabs his coat as he opens the door he hears "Where are you going?"

He turns and sees Magnus. "I thought you watching the movie."

"I was, until I heard you get up and leave. I thought it was to the restroom until I heard the front door open. So, I ask again: Where are you going?"

"Look, Magnus, I can't do this anymore."

"Movie night?"

"Being friends with benefits."

"Why?"

This is his chance. He can tell Magnus how he feels and then leave without feeling the humiliation of rejection from his best friend.

"I've fallen in love with someone."

He sees the utter surprise in Magnus' eyes, he usually gets it when someone takes him by surprise, along with something else. Something that he can't name and wants to hope that it means what he wants it to even though he knows it doesn't. 

"You haven't mentioned anyone, why now? And why didn't you end this earlier?"

"Because I've only recently discovered my feelings for him and I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same."

"Oh. Can I ask who he is?" Magnus' voice strains on the 'he.'

"It's someone we both know. After all I'v been sleeping with him longer than anyone I've been in a relationship with."

With that, Alec closes the door and hurries to the elevator. Once he gets down he goes to the parking lot and goes to his car. From hsi spot he can see into one of the windows of Magnus' apartment. The living room is still lit up. His phone goes off and sees that it's Magnus. He ignores it. He doesn't need to hear Magnus reject him.

Getting in his car, Alec starts it as he keeps his eyes on Magnus' loft. His phone goes off again, Magnus calling. Again, Alec hits reject. That's when the lights go off.

He gets a text.

Magnus:

Call me, please.

Alec ignores it. He can't bare to hear Magnus telling him they can't be friends anymore, that Alec has ruined their friendship because of his feelings.

He drives off, back to his own home or just driving around, he doesn't know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited chapter 2. Now we'll see how they cope and effing get together. 
> 
> Chapter 3 will be how it started

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since Magnus has seen Alec. He hasn't seen or heard from the other man since he confessed that he's in love with Magnus. Ever since Magnus has tried to get a hold of him but never gets a response, not even Jace or Izzy can reach him.

Currently, Magnus is in his loft pouring his heart out to Catarina. Since Alec left that night Magnus' home hasn't felt like home. Ever since he and Alec started having their own places they would hardly be apart, one day they could be at Alec's having breakfast, maybe workout (that more than not often lead to a much better and satisfying workout) and the next they could be at Magnus' having dinner and a movie.

Now that has been ruined for him.

"Magnus, calm down." Catarina says.

"How can I? HE left Cat! Straight out told me that he loves me----in love with me----and told me how he's sure that I don't feel the same!"

"Do you?" 

"Do I what?"

"Feel the same way Alec does. Are you in love with him?"

Magnus stops. He never really thought about it before. Even on that fateful night. All he knew was that he should talk to Alec, because a life without Alec in it is on that Magnus has no interest in.

"Does it matter if I do? He's been avoiding me, not even his siblings can reach him. What if he's left the state Cat? Maybe even the country? What if he left just so he could move on from me, because he thinks I don't feel the same? What if he's found someone else?"

"Magnus, there is no way Alec has left the state or the country. You two grew up together, hell, you two have been building a life together ever since childhood, it even became more prominent in college. And lastly, I don't think he's trying to move on from you, yet. He's only been Sebastian in high school, and Raj and Victor in college. And you'v had Imasu, Camille, Etta, Richard,"

"And your point is?"

"Sebastian failed because he tried to pressure Alec into sex, Raj and Victor failed because they wanted him to stop being friends with you. Imasu and Richard failed because they also wanted you stop your friendship with Alec, Camille was alienating you from everyone and controlling you, and Etta failed because she wanted something more serious than you did at the time."

"Again, your point?"

"You and Alec have never had successful relationships because of each other, and if you two want one then you have one with each other already, just make it clear to him that you want and care for him as much as he does you."

"And how do I suggest I do that when no one can reach him?"

"Have you tried Etta?"

"Etta?"

"Yes. She and Alec are good friends, even after you two broke-up they still kept in touch."

"Huh. I never thought about it."

* * *

Alec looks at his phone. He has about a hundred or so messages and phone calls from Magnus, Izzy, and Jace. Even a few from his parents, Simon, Clary, Ragnor, Catarina, and Raphael. But the only person he's even talking to right now is Etta. She understands him. They both have loved Magnus at different points in time, plus she understands what it's like to want something more serious with a person who doesn't. 

Just as he's about to text Etta she calls him. He answers. 

"Hey," she says.

"Hey."

"Are you going to either of the jobs?" The morning after Alec told Magnus how he felt he went into his job at a photography studio and found out that a job in California, Canada, and the U.K. are courting him for better jobs that can allow him to travel across the globe and pay him even more than what he currently is.

"I haven't decided yet."

 "You know what it means if you do,"

"I can finally move on?"

"You're leaving your entire life behind."

"When do they except their answers?"

"Saturday."

"It's Wednesday."

"I know."

"Do you plan on leaving without a trace?"

"Yes. And I'm going to leave a trail of dead bodies of people I don't know behind." He jokes.

"Hmm. And you can do it again in a decade or so if you leave California or one of the other countries for another job or if you decide to come back here for retirement."

Alec laughs. 

"I know you haven't made a choice yet, but how about we go out for a celebratory dinner?"

"Sounds good. Taki's at six?"

"See you there."

* * *

 

Great. Not even Etta has seen Alec. How the heck is he supposed to tell Alec how he feels when he can't get a hold of him?

Just as he's about to decide which of his friends he should call when Izzy's name pops up on the screen.

"Hello," he greets.

"Magnus. I haven't been able to reach Alec yet, but I found something out. I had Simon hack into his computer and. . . ."

"What, Isabelle?"

"Alec has job offers in California, Canada, and the U.K. they all allow him to travel more than his current one does and they pay more to."

"Has Alec responded to them?"

"No. They all expect an answer by Saturday. I have no idea if he'll take them or not."

"Okay. Thank you, Isabelle."

After they hang up Magnus takes a deep breath. Even if he can't get to Alec in time and tell him how he feels, Magnus will gladly let him go if Alec chooses to take any of the jobs offered to him; and honestly, why shouldn't he? Alec has always enjoyed traveling and taking pictures, and who wouldn't take a job that pays you more for doing what you love?

Magnus opens a group chat and asks the others if they want to meet at Taki's around six-thirty or seven. Izzy and Jace text that meeting at Taki's is great but if they can meet around six-fifteen instead. He tells him that's fine.

* * *

"Have you told your siblings about the job offers?" Etta asks as she eats her cashew chicken and Alec has his general chicken.

"No," Alec shakes his head. "But knowing Izzy, she probably had Simon hack into my computer and he found it, told her, and she told the others."

"So, she's planning your murder."

"Yeah. Even as we. . . ." Alec stops short and ducks his head down as if his food is more interesting than their conversation. 

Etta, curious, turns her head and see's Alec's siblings and their significant others and Magnus walk in. 

"You can't hide from them forever." 

"I know. Maybe I will take one of those jobs so I can contact who I do and don't want to speak too. Plus I'll be traveling a lot so it'll be hard for any of them to find me. One minute I could be in Paris, the next Greece, or Japan."

 

Magnus hears Alec's words and tells the others that he needs to get some fresh air. As he exists the restaurant he sees Izzy go over and slap her brother.

 

Alec blinks in surprise and stares at his sister. As he opens his mouth to speak she gets her words out quicker. "You need to go and talk to Magnus. Now. He's right outside."

Not seeing any room for argument Alec gets up from his and Etta's table and goes outside.

Izzy wasn't kidding when she said he was right outside. Magnus is against the wall that's in between the door and the big window to show the passers by the inside of the establishment. 

"Hey," Alec says. At this point very short words are the only thing Alec can think of to say to Magnus.

"Hey." Magnus replies back. An awkward silence falls between them and Alec hates it. He used to be able to tell Magnus everything and now he can't. 

"Izzy told me about your jobs offers." Magnus eventually says. "California, Canada, and the U.K. do you think that you'll take one of them?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I mean I really only have family and friends in New York and I don't travel a lot."

"Oh. Which one do you think you'll take?"

"I don't know yet. The one in California is the one where it shines and stays warm all year around. But I'v been to Canada and the United Kingdom, they're nice places too."

Magnus just nods. "So, when did you find out about these offers?"

"The day after. . . . the day after you put in the newest Fast and Furious in for movie night."

Magnus feels his heart sink. Even though he feels the same way about Alec the same way Alec feels about him, he doesn't want to stand in Alec's way if he really wants to move away from NewYork, whether it's across the country or to a whole new country.

"Well. . . . the jobs sound great. But I should probably leave, now." Magnus says as he pushes himself away from the wall. He's not to far when he hears Alec call his name, but he doesn't have the heart to turn back.

When he arrives home Magnus goes to his drink cart and pours himself some whiskey. He knows drinking away his broken heart isn't healthy but he doesn't want to exercise and he isn't the biggest fan of smoking.

Later, just before he goes to sleep, Magnus pulls out his phone and sends a text to someone. Then his vision goes black.

* * *

Magnus wakes up to a pounding in his head and someone knocked on his door. Groaning, Magnus gets up and goes to the kitchen and gets himself some water before dealing with who ever it is at his door. 

Opening it, the person on the other side is the person he isn't expecting. 

"Hey, um, can we talk?" Alec asks.

Magnus blinks. "Sure. Come on in." 

As Alec enters the apartment Magnus notices how at home he feels with Alec and how empty the loft has been without him there.

"I, er, got your text last night."

"Text?"

"Eh. . . . Yeah." Alec pulls out his phone and shows Magnus the text.

_Magnus:_

_I feel the same, but I won't stand in your way._

"I was wondering if you could, uh, elaborate on it."

Magnus knows that Alec wants him to tell him that it's just their friendship he means or that he does return his love; but Alec's eyes pretty much lit up last night when they talked about him leaving, Magnus can't be the reason he stays if he doesn't want to.

"Look, you were drunk and you probably meant it for someone else. Nevermind, I shouldn't have come."

Just as Alec brushes past him and is halfway to the front door when Magnus finally finds his voice to speak.

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I didn't mean that text for anyone else. I mean what I said. I love you too. I don't mean platonic love, either. I'm in love with you. But if you want to leave New York for California, or Canada or Britain or wherever you want to go."

The next moment is a blur. One minute Magnus is sure that Alec will leave, the next he can feel lips against his. Soft and rough, and so is the kiss. 

"Alexander," Magnus breathes once they pull away. "You shouldn't kiss me like that, especially if you're leaving."

"I'm not."

"What?"

"I was going to. If we continued not speaking I would've. I was going to tell the job in Canada a 'yes' last night until I got your text. Then I was hesitant. I couldn't tell them until I knew how you felt."

"Why Canada?"

"What?"

"Why were you going to choose Canada?"

"Because Izzy would'v murdered me if I went to California or across the pond too. Canada seemed to be the safest option."

Magnus smiles. "Even when you'r considering leaving New York you still think about your family first and foremost."

Their lips meet again, their kisses picking up heat and passion. Alec picks Magnus up and takes him to the bedroom and they stay there for the rest of the day and the next few days that followed.


	3. How It Started

It's a month before Magnus and Alec start NYU and some of their high school classmates have decided to throw a party for one last time before they venture off on their own.

Alec doesn't remember much, just that he has a few drinks before kissing someone and one thing leading to another where Alec is one top of them, naked, breathing each other's air, kissing every inch of available skin he can find as the person pants into his ear before screaming as they both cum.

The next morning, Alex wakes up to find the person was Magnus. Magnus Bane. As in his life-long best friend. Alec gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom, his heart pounding in his chest.

He knows that Magnus doesn't have any feelings for him and he doesn't have any for Magnus. That he knows for sure. But where is this going to leave their friendship? Can they still salvage it? Is it ruined?

When he goes back into the room, Magnus ia awake, and staring at the ceiling. "Morning." Magnus says.

"Morning. So, how much do you remember about last night?" Alec asks. He's curious, maybe if Magnus doesn't remember much then maybe Alec can lie and still save their friendship.

"About the party or about how you and I had sex?"

"You remember."

"I do. Look, Alexander, it doesn't have to mean anything. After all we were both drunk, and it's not like we have any feelings for each other anyway."

Alec nods. "Yeah. It doesn't mean anything."

 

The next time it happens it's two months and into the semester and Magnus comes back to his and Alec's dorm in a bad mood because he day hasn't been going well. His bad mood lightens a little when he smells ravioli and some mixed vegetables cooking. Leave it to Alec to want to make everything out of scratch.

When Alec serves dinner they talk about their days, and before either of them knows it they're too close to each other then their lips meet in a passion. They take off their clothes and stumbles to one of their beds, this time Alec is the one with his back on the bed as Magnus tops.

After they come down from their highs they lay for a little while, before Alec asks "What's going on?"

"What dp you mean?" Magnud asks. 

"I mean this is the second time we have had sex, yet we have nothing romantic happening between us."

Magnus sighs. "I don't know Alexander. It seems that our relationship has moved passed friends to friends with benefits."

"Friends with benefits?"

Magnus nods. "That is, of course, if it's what you want."

"I guess. But we do need to lay down some ground rules for this." Magnus nods in agreement. "1.) We stop this when either one of us gets into a relationship with another person. 2.) No pet names, from me." He quickly adds the last part because Magnus has a habit of using pet names. "3.) This stays between us and only us, lord knows what Izzy will do if she finds out."

Magnus laughs. He knows Alec is about to say a fourth but when he hears Alec yawn he knows that neither of them is going to be able to continue the discussion that night. Closing his eyes, Magnus wraps an arm around Alec's torso and lays his head on Alec's chest.

This is simple, after all. What can happen between them? Nothing. They're just friends. Life long friends. Life long friends who happen to sleep with each other every now and again. What harm can come from it?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter

It has been two weeks since Magnus and Alec have become boyfriends and neither one of them could be happier. And while they have always been really close, they are taking some parts of their newest relationship slow.

For instance, just because they are already having sex, they are still catious and ask one another if it is all right to hold the other's hand in public. Magnus does have more relationship experience under his belt than Alec does, and, while Alec has seen them all of them, Magnus does not want to ruin what he has with Alec. His entire relationship is almost like a rare jewel, and Magnus does want their relationship to shine; and if it does not, he at least wants to salvage some of their relationship so they can still be friends.

Currently, it is dark out, the moon and stars hanging high up in the sky. Magnus is making homemade Chinese food and egg rolls and dumplings. Alec is still at work but should be coming to the loft when he gets off, which could be any minute.

As soon as he places the egg rolls and dumplings in the oven (normally they're fried, but Alec is always telling him that baking is better than deep frying.) and the chicken in the fryer (only thing Alec will allow fried if the oven racks are entirely taken up) there is a knock on the door.

Washing his hands Magnus makes his way to the door. While he knows it is most likely Alec, he looks through the peep hole because Alec has warned him more than enough times that if he doesn't look than the next thing either of them COULD know is that Magnus could be laying lifeless on the floor or fighting for his life at a hospital.

Seeing Alec on the other side Magnus opens the door and greets his boyfriend with a kiss. They push back into the apartment with Alec shutting the door as they continue to kiss. 

"That certainly was a welcome home." Alec smiles.

"I haven't seen you in five days. I think more than kiss is over due."

Alec laughs as a blush covers his cheeks. "So. . . Er. . . What are you making?"

"General Tso chicken with brown rice, dumplings, and egg rolls."

"Are you trying to fatten me up so you can eat me?"

"Just because I may be trying to fatten you up, does not mean I am some Hannibal Lecter."

Alec laughs. He gives Magnus a quick kiss as he goes to the bathroom to freshen up and Magnus can finish dinner. When dinner is done and Alec is all cleaned up, they make their plates and go to the living room and they turn on Criminal Minds.

". . . . I'm just saying, Reid and Garcia could make a wonderful couple. And with what they have been doing with Garcia, having her flirt with Morgan and Luke who end up with doctors and leave her a little heartbroken, and Reid either only getting kissed by girls or them ending up dead in the end. . . Besides if this were any other t.v. show they would be a thing already. I mean they are like Sweets and Daisy on Bones!"

"I am not arguing," Alec says. "It's just that I would like to see someone like Derek or Luke be more than hetero. I mean, why is it that Reid could be the smart buy stereotyped gay when some of us aren't always that way. Heck, people thought that I was more hetero than Jace before I came out? People literally had a pool going guessing which one of us was gay! A good majority of those people lost."

Magnus laughs after he finishes a bite of chicken before kissing Alec on the lips. The kiss is meant to be innocent but it quickly catches fire. Their plates forgotten on the coffee table as Alec lays out on the couch with Magnus on top of him. Magnus pulls away so they can breathe then starts kissing down Alec's throat.

"M-Ma-Magnus. I need to tell you something." Magnus pulls away from where he was sucking on Alec's neck and looks up at him.

"My boss told that a client wants me to take pictures of them." Alec continues. 

"And this concerns me how? You take pictures all over New York for various people already, Alexander."

"It's not going to be in New York, at least not a good majority of thr pictures will be. I'll be going to countries in Europe and Asia. Greece, Italy, Japan, Indonesia; just to name a few."

"Oh, how long will you be gone?"

"A month at least, two to two and half by most."

"Oh." Magnus sits up, his head spinning. He just got Alexander, and now he is going to lose him.

"And I was wondering if you wanted to come. I mean, I know you have your job here, but I thought maybe you could work through skype and the internet, but if you want to stay here. . ."

Magnus cuts him off with a kiss. "Of course I want to go! When do we leave?"

"I'll start taking some pictures in New York in two days, we leave the day after. So you have three days to pack."

Magnus laughs. "Two. I'm not letting you out until the day before you have to start the shoot." With that they go back to kissing, every thing around them gone mute as they get lost in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so if anyone wants, I'm still accepting admissions for my fic with a visiting Warlock and Shadowhunter.
> 
> Also, I'm thinking about doing a album fic of Taylor Swift's Reputation with the crew! (Btw, maybe I'll even do the actors and their irl so's. But I don't know much about all of that so just submit it like it's an oc form. But that's if I do the actors. I'm in the 50/50 on that.)
> 
> And I will do one song more than once (if requested).

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'll continue this. Should I continue?
> 
> On another note, I want to do a one-shot in which a female Shadowhunter and Warlock duo comes to New York and meets Malec. Idk their names or what they look like, so if anyone has any ideas let me know with a submission thing.
> 
> Name:
> 
> What They Look Like:
> 
> Job:
> 
> Significant Other:
> 
> What They're Like Around Others:
> 
> Place They're From:


End file.
